


filled voids and unspoken futures

by infptwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 3rd years, Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Not Beta Read, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter
Summary: As a third year, Yamaguchi Tadashi has many challenges ahead of him. The future after high school is one of them. Being captain of Karasuno's volleyball club is another.But his biggest one might be facing his feelings for one Tsukishima Kei.or how Yamaguchi grows, Tsukishima tries to run from his feelings but they manage to work everything out in the end.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 102





	filled voids and unspoken futures

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! gosh it's 2:30 am send help  
> I wrote this on a whim, I don't even know what happened. I just needed more 3rd year Yamaguchi as captain so I brought all my headcanons here.  
> I personally think he chose Kageyama as vice-captain. Anyways, most of those things here are headcanons because we got zero details in the manga about third year Yamaguchi and gang >:(  
> anyways!  
> this was NOT beta read excuse my mistakes  
> and enjoy! <3

Perhaps saying Yamaguchi feels nervous is an understatement, perhaps even a dumb thing to say, considering the situation. First day of school, last first day of school _of his life_ and first day as the _captain_ of the volleyball male team of the power school Karasuno. It’s an important position, seeing as he’s the one who’s going to lead the team forward now and how all his decisions, no matter how small, will somehow affect the team. And there’s also the fact that new players will probably show since they started gaining popularity since Yamaguchi’s first year – everyone wants to join Karasuno’s volleyball team now – and how Yamaguchi is going to _lead_ them. He’s the one who’s going to teach them how to improve, guide them and motivate them to keep Karasuno going strong through the next years, just like Daichi and Ennoshita had done to him, to them.

He’s happy and excited for it, but the slight fear and anxiousness that lies on the bottom of his stomach is something he can’t shake it off. He dresses up as slowly as he does every morning, barely feeling tired even though he didn’t sleep much, almost ready to meet Tsukki at their usual meeting spot.

He wonders, sometimes, if Tsukishima wishes he had been chosen as vice-captain instead of Kageyama.

Yamaguchi shakes his head and finishes dressing up, grabbing his school bag, his bento and giving his mother a kiss on her cheek as he leaves. Tsukishima has to know Yamaguchi’s choice was based on Kageyama’s ability to be analytical when necessary, besides the fact that Kageyama is such an amazing talented setter and can easily bring out the potential of any teammates he’s playing with. And through the years, Kageyama became slightly softer somehow, learning how to be more approachable and less harsh when talking and explaining his point of view. It was all this that weighed down Yamaguchi on his decision.

Of course, Tsukishima had become softer around him, as well as less harsh with his teammates. If he bickers with Kageyama and Hinata nowadays, it’s mostly for the sake of old times. They all have a solid friendship now, even though Kageyama and Hinata still have their weird friendship revolving their competitiveness, and Kageyama and Tsukishima bond over the way they throw snarky comments at rude people.

Yamaguchi bonds with them on his own way as well. Hinata becomes a steady friend on his side, and they even study together for tests, even though Hinata has become better at studying through the years – of course, because Yamaguchi, Tsukishima and Yachi had been a constant help. Yamaguchi and Kageyama bond over their analytical side, and when Yamaguchi chooses him as his vice-captain, Kageyama starts talking more to him, mostly about volleyball. He doesn’t mind though, and he knows Kageyama cares in his own way, shows in his own way. Just like Tsukishima.

Through the years, perhaps, the relationship that changed the most and the least, somehow, was theirs, the relationship of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

Even though they have been friends for so many years now, Yamaguchi didn’t know they could change. But change, he supposes, when it happens to someone’s personality, it will affect their relationships as well. And it did with them. Tsukishima had learned how to deal in a nicer way with people, how to seem less harsh and more approachable, and it even brought changes to his relationship with Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi had always worshipped him in a way. He had always seen Tsukki as the coolest, as he was taller, so calm and collect, and so good at volleyball. Yamaguchi had never had confidence back then, and it had been easy and a safe way to just make Tsukki his god or something.

But Yamaguchi grew. He played more, learned more and worked hard enough to become a really good pinch server. And now, he has a chance to play on every game as a middle blocker, because he _earned_ this. 

Now, he doesn’t stand on Tsukki’s shadow anymore. He doesn’t need it, because now he has his own light. He’s on the main spot, right in the center, leading all of them ahead, towards Nationals, hopefully.

It scares Yamaguchi, for sure, but it _excites_ him the most. Because Captain Yamaguchi is ready for this.

He had been ready for a while now.

  
  


.

  
  


“Good morning, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi calls Tsukishima as they meet at their usual intersection. Tsukishima has his earphones around his neck, and he looks up from his phone when Yamaguchi greets him.

“Good morning, _captain_ ,” Tsukishima says easily and smugly, causing Yamaguchi to bark a laugh suddenly.

They start walking side by side, Yamaguchi talking some nonsense about a stupid tv show he watched last night. It’s the kind of talk he would mind if it were anyone else, but since it’s Yamaguchi, he doesn’t mind. He can’t, not when the nonsense rambling is mostly just fill in the voids and gaps that Tsukishima has always left hanging. He is the only person who can complete what Tsukishima is lacking, can fill what Tsukishima leaves in a void. It’s quite nice after all, Tsukishima thinks, because Yamaguchi wants to tell him these things, these small details about his life, and he wants to fit in where Tsukishima leaves the spots to be filled. _But only by Yamaguchi_ , he thinks, _these spots are only for him_.

“Ah, Tsukki, this is the last time we’ll have a first day walk to school together!” Yamaguchi says suddenly, lips downwards and in a pout, and Tsukishima feels the urge to kiss it away, like he feels it sometimes. It’s the kind of feelings he doesn’t talk about and doesn’t think about _at all_.

“Indeed,” he mutters, and watches Yamaguchi at the corner of his eyes. Yamaguchi keeps the same sad expression and Tsukishima repress the urge to sigh. “Does it bother you that much?”

“I don’t know,” he mutters, kicking a rock in front of him as they keep walking. Yamaguchi doesn’t reply anymore for a moment, not looking at Tsukishima, but then he sighs and goes on. “I guess I’m just afraid of the endings that are about to come inevitably.” _Like us going separate ways_ , he thinks but doesn’t dare to say.

Tsukishima hums, pondering for a second. The future, yes, he hadn’t thought much about it besides the fact he’ll probably have to at some point. He doesn’t want to pressure himself right now, especially when they have just become third years, and volleyball suddenly seems more important in his head.

“We don’t have to think about it too much, Yamaguchi,” he says quietly, after a silence gone a bit longer than he wanted. “Why don’t we just focus on the right now and figure out midway?”

Yamaguchi looks at him, a smile playing on his lips, Tsukishima’s heart skipping a beat. 

“You’re right, Tsukki!”

Tsukishima feels distracted for half of his morning because of that stupid smile.

  
  


.

  
  


Yamaguchi breathes in and out again. His palms are sweating, and even though there’s this mix of feelings hanging on his belly, the anxiety that hits is one that he can welcome for once. It’s the same as they all feel before a game, the feeling of flying so high with the chance of falling, but the anxiety overcomes the fear. It’s a ringing, loud, like a shrill, and for a second he doesn’t even hear the sound of sneakers on the floor or the balls hitting the walls. He takes another deep breath and walks out of the locker room, straight into where the first years gather while the second years harass them.

“That’s enough, guys,” he calls out to the five second years and they all nod at him, stepping aside. The first years must understand _who_ exactly Yamaguchi is, because they all line up and Kageyama stands to his right, just as Tsukishima stands on his left. Hinata is next to Kageyama as well, and suddenly he feels _invincible_.

“Welcome to the Karasuno volleyball club,” he says, and he’s impressed how even, calm and collected his voice sounds. It reminds him of Ennoshita. It reminds him of Daichi. He’s part of them now, he’s the _captain_. “My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi, and I am the captain of the volleyball team.”

The ringing on his ears stop.

.

The walk back home is mostly quiet, and for once, Tsukishima feels bothered by it. Since it was the first day of the volleyball club, as a good and old tradition, Yamaguchi payed them all some bread at coach Ukai’s store. It had been fun, seeing the team bonding, but it had made Yamaguchi’s heart clench a bit. He realized then how this would be just a memory in one year. He had wondered, at that specific moment, had Ennoshita and Daichi felt like this, too?

But Tsukishima doesn’t know any of this. Yamaguchi doesn’t know what his best friend would think of this, if he shared his thoughts and fears with him. He knows Tsukishima wouldn’t be one to judge him, considering how close they are, how much they have already shared and been through together, but Yamaguchi has a list of things in his head that he would never tell him no matter what. Mostly of his fears were in a high position on said list, but his number one position was reserved especially for his certain feelings for his childhood best friend.

Feelings that best friends usually didn’t share. Those romantic feelings, the ones that make you heart skip a beat sometimes when they smile or do something cute; the ones that make you nervous when you’re around them; the ones that make you smile just when you think of them; the ones who make you understand those stupid shoujo mangas you’ve read about. Yamaguchi knows all the signs, and he has known for awhile know what they mean. He’s in love with Tsukishima Kei, and he has been since somewhere along middle school, but only realized somewhere in the end of their first year of high school.

It’s always something that weighs on his mind, the future without Tsukishima by his side. He has gotten used to it, to his presence, to hear his snarky comments and to watch stupid dinosaur documentaries. Yamaguchi doesn’t want to lose any of this.

Either by his stupid feelings for him or by his stupid fears that still get in his way. He is confident on his skills nowadays and he trusts himself to be a good captain, but sometimes his head reminds him that perhaps Kageyama would have been a better choice. Or that he has just become a regular and now everyone looks up to him. He also remembers that even though he’s the captain and that he holds authority, he feels small and not sufficient sometimes, like anyone could step on him at any second.

He hopes to fill the role that Ennoshita and Daichi managed to fill. He hopes to do them justice, and not be called Karasuno’s worst captain in the next years. He wants to be remembered, he wants to be remembered like Kageyama is for his tosses, like Hinata is for his quicks and receives, like Tsukishima is for his blocking, he wants to be _memorable_.

He wants to –

“You’ve been awfully quiet for a while now,” Tsukishima says, and all of Yamaguchi’s thoughts come to a halt, suddenly. He feels empty, like suddenly all the emotions he had been bottling up suddenly were hidden away. It fits, he thinks, because he doesn’t want Tsukishima to know any of this, he doesn’t want his best friend to think he’s still that _lame_ person. “Cheer up, captain.”

Yamaguchi huffs a laugh, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. He keeps looking ahead as he walks, and he sees the intersection they usually part ways coming closer. He should say something, he should explain, or at least give any excuse, he doesn’t want to party ways like _this,_ but nothing comes to his mind and –

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Yamaguchi blinks and smiles softly, Tsukishima side eyeing him. Of course, he saw right through him and decided to help him, instead of letting him on his overthinking. “Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Right as he turns and starts walking, Tsukishima still says, “and don’t stay up late watching videos of games, you’re the captain now.”

Yamaguchi laughs and it’s almost like his heart skips a beat.

.

It’s a process, but Yamaguchi picks himself up. After a few days, he manages to shut his mind off and allow those dark thoughts to be hidden in a dark, ugly corner he has inside his mind. He keeps his head held high and doesn’t allow his mind to compare himself to Ennoshita or Daichi; he’s a different person, with a different personality and he’ll be _captain Yamaguchi_ , because that’s who he’s supposed to be.

Tsukishima watches him, all the time, though Yamaguchi doesn’t notice. He’s present, always there to tell him some kind of praising only he knew how to do and how to make Yamaguchi feel _flattered_.

They watch each other, with heavy hearts, similar feelings but with fear, anxiety and insecurity of what could become of their friendship.

.

“Yamaguchi, how do you even put up with Tsukishima? He’s just so… ack!” Hinata tells him, right when they’re in the middle of finishing their math homework, and Yamaguchi sighs. When Hinata brings up a topic like this, it means he’s done with studying for the day. He’ll let it slide for tonight, he decides, because it’s Saturday evening and they have done almost all of their homework ahead, so they can finish the rest tomorrow before Hinata leaves.

“What does that even mean, Hinata? You put up with Kageyama, how much different are we in that sense?”

Hinata barks a laugh, and even though he knows it could be amusing what he has said, it wasn’t _that_ funny. “I don’t see how this is funny.”

“It is funny!” Hinata says between laughs, and then he seems to laugh even harder. Yamaguchi sighs again and stares at his friend, waiting for him to be over his laughing fit. He wants answers. “Come on, Yamaguchi, don’t tell me you don’t think how exactly the same our roles are!”

“What? What does that even mean? Just because we’re best friends with two guys who are emotionally constipated?” he asks, and Hinata’s laughter dies, becoming too serious too suddenly, the air suddenly being suck dry from the room. He feels the tension, and he doesn’t know why it’s there out of suddenly.

“Yamaguchi, Kageyama and I have been dating for almost ten months now. Haven’t you and Tsukishima been dating, too?” Hinata asks, tone unsure and voice almost sad, because he already knows the answer. If Yamaguchi had asked like _this_ , then he knew the answer.

“No,” he says, quietly, and even to his own ears he sounds sad and defeated. Hinata thought they already were dating. What does that even mean? “Why would you think that?”

Hinata looks down for a second, seeming shy and thinking. He doesn’t answer for some moments, and Yamaguchi wonders if he’s going to answer at all, but then Hinata looks at him again and he just seems _confused_.

“I mean, Tsukishima treats you differently, and it’s kind of like with me and Kageyama, so I was sure you both had been dating as well. But… It doesn’t make sense, Yamaguchi. Tsukishima looks at you like you’re the _stars_ or something.”

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath and shakes his head. No, he won’t get his hopes up. It’s just Hinata’s opinion. Besides, he doesn’t know Tsukishima for as long as Yamaguchi does. And he knows his best friend has never been romantically interested in anyone, so he highly doubts he would be right now, especially in _him_.

“Hinata, maybe studying too much made you a bit dumber.”

Hinata throws a pillow at him, but they both laugh, suddenly forgetting the moment and what was it about. Yamaguchi is quick to change subjects, mentioning a snack then heading to bed. He lets this go, because if Tsukishima ever harbors feelings for him, he hopes the boy would tell him.

Either way, he ends up on his bed much later, Hinata snoring softly on the futon on the floor, his heart aching and hoping for something so unreachable. He holds the tears and promises himself that this won’t be a regular thing. He _needs_ to get over Tsukishima and he needs to do it fast.

.

It bothers him for a few days. It’s on a Thursday, almost a week later when he had Hinata over his house, that he slowly brings it up. After practice, they both went to Tsukishima to get some homework done, and they had been working quietly for a while now, only speaking when they faced a hard question or something.

He looks over at his best friend, who is focused on reading a biology question. One of his favorite subjects, he knows, and he watches him quietly, just for a second. Tsukishima is handsome, the way his hair has grown a bit since the way he used to wear two years ago, how the glasses make him look even more mature, his sharp jaw and high cheekbones. Yamaguchi wonders how his skin – his face, specifically – would feel under his hands. How it would feel like to touch his cheeks, to slowly drag them close to his eyes, take his glasses off and kiss his nose softly. And then, slowly, quietly, with huff of breath between them, they would kiss, gently, unsure and lovingly.

“You’re staring quite hard at me for awhile now,” Tsukishima mutters without even looking up, and it startles Yamaguchi. His heart races and he feels stupid for daydreaming about kissing his best friend right in front of him, while staring at him with no filter.

“Sorry,” he mutters but keeps looking at Tsukishima. He wants his friend to look back at him, so he can muster up the courage to even bring up what he _needs_ to get out of his head. After a beat, Tsukishima looks up, his eyebrows raised in a question. “Do you ever wonder if people consider us too close?”

He doesn’t even think before blurting out the question, so he winces at how awful it sounds. It sounded like he didn’t like them being close. “I-I mean,” he starts again, feeling his cheeks blush and his heartbeat loud on his ears. “Hinata thought we were dating.”

“Oh,” Tsukishima says and stares at him dumbly for a moment. Yamaguchi wonders if Tsukishima is going to say anything else, but then he sighs and continues. “Hinata is an idiot, don’t listen to him.”

The feeling on Yamaguchi’s chest suddenly is too much. He was right, Tsukishima would _never_ think of him this way. He had been stupid to hope, to want this conversation to end up differently. He feels like running away, but that would be too suspicious. But the feeling on his chest is too much to bear right now.

“Yeah,” he huffs out and closes his books. “Anyways, I am done, so I’ll head home before my mom starts calling me to help with dinner.”

Tsukishima nods and continues to do his homework, like Yamaguchi had simply given a random comment. He quietly gather his things and he _knows_ this is the usual; Yamaguchi is like family already, and he walks himself out every time. He doesn’t need Tsukishima to take him to the door, but right now he wonders, why doesn’t he do so? Has he ever done it? He grabs his bag and heads to the door of Tsukishima’s room.

“See you tomorrow, Tsukki,” he says as he leaves and he hears Tsukishima mutter a ‘see you tomorrow’ back, but Yamaguchi doesn’t bother.

He only allows the tears to fall from his eyes when he’s one block away from Tsukishima’s house.

.

Tsukishima barely sleeps that night.

He had always wondered about their relationship, if Yamaguchi ever felt the same, but the boy never even gave him any evidence that would make him think so. But after saying that Hinata had thought they were a thing and how he had run off like that, it made Tsukishima think.

Did Yamaguchi feel the same, perhaps?

He rolled on his bed for hours, thinking of past moments and how Yamaguchi had reacted on every single of them. He wonders if his mind is deceiving him, if maybe this is all on his head and he’s desperately hoping that his best friend likes him back.

So, he decides to watch. And analyze.

.

First, it’s how Yamaguchi’s eyes soften when he’s looking at Tsukishima. How he’s the only one to ever pay attention to what he’s saying, doing or thinking. How he knows everything about Tsukishima.

It’s expected, he thinks, we have been best friends for way too long now.

But then, he notices it. The stares that last a beat too long, sometimes with wide eyes and blushing that Tsukishima hadn’t paid attention before. Has this always been happening and he never noticed?

How Yamaguchi acts around him, how he would bend over and back if Tsukishima asks, how he looks at Tsukishima like he’s the entire moon and holds all the answers Yamaguchi needs. It scares him down to his core, because suddenly, there’s this possibility of Yamaguchi liking him back and he doesn’t know what to do.

He could confess. Maybe Yamaguchi would be thrilled. They would date. Then, at the end of the year, they would go separate ways and live different lives and it wouldn’t be alright.

He could confess and get rejected instead. And then, their relationship would become miserable and slowly die.

Either way, it doesn’t end well.

So, realizing Yamaguchi might harbor the same feelings for him, for once, it doesn’t make Tsukishima excited. Doesn’t make him thrilled or happy. Doesn’t make him giddy or loved.

It makes him scared. Scared of losing Yamaguchi at all.

But then, again, they will lose each other at the end of the year, won’t they?

.

Avoiding is easier, he decides. Running away from their feelings has been something they have done for a while now, and Tsukishima isn’t proud of it, but it’s how they do things. They avoid the talking, the dread of bringing the awkwardness into their relationship, the possibility of ruining years of friendship. So, avoiding Yamaguchi means showing him he’s better off without Tsukishima anyway, because he can do much more. Tsukishima wants him to think that he hates him, that their relationship has become awkward and that they should step back for a moment.

He hates himself for it, but dives in anyway.

The excuses come easily, so does the hiding. He hates doing it, hates being alone again, hates the void and the silence, but it’s all he deserves and will get in the end anyway, so he bears with it. _It is what it is_ , he reminds himself.

  
.  
  
  
“Tsukki, let’s have lunch with Hinata and Kageyama!”

“Sorry, a teacher asked me to run an errand.”

“Tsukki, Hinata and I are practicing receiving with the first years today. Do you want to stay?”

“Sorry, my mother asked me to go home as soon as training was over to help her with something.”

“Tsukki, let’s study together this weekend?”

“Sorry, I already promised Akiteru I’d visit him.”

“Tsukki, do you want to hang out tomorrow?”

“I can’t.”

“Tsukki, can you help me with some blocking training later?”

“I can’t today. Maybe another day.”

“Tsukki, please go and train with Kageyama to help the first years how to block.”

 _You’re not joining us?_ he wants to ask but bites his tongue.

“Yes, captain.”

When he sees Yamaguchi inviting Hinata and Kageyama over to study, he swallow the bitterness that has settled on his mouth. _It’s what I wanted_ , he thinks and pretends not to see it. These days, barking at first years is easier, especially when they make dumb mistakes, so he allows himself to go after them again. Yamaguchi doesn’t stop him.

In fact, Yamaguchi barely looks at him at all.

.  
  
  
  


It doesn’t make sense in Yamaguchi’s head. He looks for answers, for any indicator or reason why Tsukishima would be avoiding him. Yamaguchi hasn’t done anything wrong or stupid that could piss Tsukishima off, he has thought about that a lot. He also has been acting normal around Tsukishima, as normal as he can manage at least, without having Tsukishima to notice his evolving feelings for the other boy. This started just after he mentioned that Hinata thought they were dating and…

 _Oh,_ he thinks, sad and scared at once, _maybe he noticed my feelings, and he feels disgusted by it._

Even though Tsukishima has never said anything about his sexuality, Yamaguchi doubts his friend is gay. He has never showed interest for anyone, women or men, and it is a question Yamaguchi has had in his head for a while now. He’s too afraid to ask, though. There are certain things they still don’t talk about, like when Tsukishima became uninterested in volleyball because of Akiteru, or how Yamaguchi and Tsukishima firstly became friends because Yamaguchi was being bullied. They don’t talk about it because they don’t confront their feelings.

 _Fair enough,_ Yamaguchi decides, sitting alone to eat lunch on his desk, choosing to watch a game on his phone rather than seem as lonely as he felt, _Tsukki doesn’t want to confront me. He is respecting our normal way of running away from feelings._

But when he finishes his lunch, watches the game and still spares time to go through social media without paying much attention, he wishes Tsukishima had, though. He wishes Tsukishima had confronted him, because, for once, Yamaguchi is tired of running away.

 _It’s a two way street, though,_ he thinks, when the bell rings. If Tsukishima doesn’t want to talk about it for now, he’ll wait.

At least until graduation, he promises himself. If nothing happens, on graduation he’ll confess. It’s safer since they won’t see each other every day anymore and share routines.

 _Not safer,_ his mind reminds him when Tsukishima sits back on his seat, not even glancing at Yamaguchi, _it’s the coward’s way out._

.

As everybody has settled down on the bus, he sees that Kageyama has chosen to sit next to Tsukishima and, for once, Yamaguchi feels like he could hug him. Ever since their last studying session, Yamaguchi mentioned that Tsukishima had been avoiding him, and Hinata, of course, straight up asked if it was because Yamaguchi had confessed.

This led to Yamaguchi choking on his water, five minutes of him coughing, Hinata panicking and Kageyama calling him a dumbass. In the end, he tells them what he thinks it has been happening and Hinata looks at him sadly in the end. Even Kageyama had looked bothered.

“If he starts ruining the team’s dynamics, I’ll kick his ass,” Kageyama had muttered and in a way, it had cheered Yamaguchi up. It was his own way of saying he had Yamaguchi’s back, even if he meant the team as well.

So, now, as he sees Kageyama sitting next to Tsukishima instead of him, he knows he’s doing it for Yamaguchi’s sake. Because no one else would sit next to Tsukishima, and if Yamaguchi had to do so, it would be awkward.

He sits next to Hinata and talks to him, four rows ahead of Tsukishima. He allows himself to talk about Nekoma and Fukurodani, teams they’re going to be seeing again during their training camp, and they talk about how much it has changed since their old friends graduated.

He forgets everything else.

.

“You’re an idiot,” Kageyama says lowly, but Tsukishima ignores him with his earphones. Kageyama nudges him with his elbow and gives him an irritated look. Tsukishima takes off one of his earphones with the same irritated expression, but Kageyama gets even more irritated. “You’re an idiot.”

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow at him. Kageyama feels like punching him, something he hasn’t felt since their first year. Perhaps since he became closer to Yamaguchi, he had grown fond of him and overprotective. And, right now, he feels like Tsukishima is a threat to Yamaguchi’s happiness if he keeps this up.

“Yamaguchi is _hurting_. Does it really take a lot to just confess, for fuck’s sake?” he says lowly, just between the two of them and Tsukishima now really looks irritated.

“What do you have to do with any of this? Your love life with Hinata is suddenly boring?”

“You’ve gotten defensive quite fast there,” he comments instead, and he feels his anger fade out, because he can _see_ the fear inside Tsukishima’s eyes. “You know he feels the same. The hell is stopping you?”

Tsukishima frowns and looks ahead for a second, just where he can see Yamaguchi’s head next to Hinata. _My place,_ he thinks bitterly _, it was supposed to be my place. But I gave it up_.

“I know it’s scary,” Kageyama mutters, looking at his hands and Tsukishima looks back at him, sensing his honest and open tone. It’s a change for their usual snarky comments. “Hinata says he wants to go to Brazil for a while. We might be apart for a while. He might never come back. But I thought with myself that I don’t want to live a life with this regret. If things don’t work out, at least I can say I tried, and I fought for it. I thought you’d be the same.”

Tsukishima looks at him for a while, wondering. He didn’t know about Hinata’s plans on going to Brazil, but he had never been interested in knowing, he supposes. He never asked Yamaguchi’s plans either. Hell, he barely knows his plans. It’s scary, he thinks to himself, an unknown future and a future without Yamaguchi.

“Just don’t do something you’ll regret for the rest of you life,” Kageyama says and ends the conversation there, because he’s suddenly turning around and barking at some first years. Tsukishima takes this moment to put his earphone back on and rest his head against the window, letting the landscape lure him into a sleep.

A sleep full of fear, Yamaguchi slipping from his hands and a pain so unbearable it makes it hard to breathe.

.

Training camp is where he allows himself to overthink. They don’t have much free time, between playing and hanging out with new players from the other teams, but he takes any moment he has free to be alone thinking. He wants to confess; he wants to ask Yamaguchi about his future, and he wants to be part of it.

It scares him even more, how far he’s willing to go for Yamaguchi.

If he says he’ll stay around Miyagi, perhaps he will, too. If he says he’ll move to Tokyo, perhaps he will, too. It had never been about fear of his feelings being reciprocated or fear of the future. He had only been afraid of what he was ready to sacrifice for Yamaguchi Tadashi, because if he asked for the stars, Tsukishima would gather them one by one for him. And then print them on his skin, like his freckles, and create constellations that only them would understand.

He’ll confess.

After training camp.

.

But, after training camp, Yamaguchi is the one avoiding him like the plague. For once, he’s the one feeling betrayed, but perhaps it is deserved. He was the one who had done this to Yamaguchi first, and it’s only fair he gets his payback.

Yamaguchi can’t avoid Tsukishima during volleyball practice, though.

“Captain,” he says, wanting to sound polite and maybe get Yamaguchi’s attention. Yamaguchi turns to him, gaze curious and slightly alarmed that Tsukishima has approached him. “Can we talk for a second?”

Yamaguchi nods and walks them to a corner, one they wouldn’t be interrupted or heard. “Is there a problem?” he asks, and Tsukishima shakes his head.

“Can we talk after practice?” he asks, hurriedly, and Yamaguchi’s eyes widen. “Please. At my house. It’s important.”

Yamaguchi nods, slowly, like he’s unsure, and he doesn’t meet Tsukishima’s eyes. “Sure, after practice.”

He walks back to practice without waiting for Tsukishima’s answer.

Tsukishima feels relived, scared and excited all at once.

.

After practice, the walk to Tsukishima’s house is awkward and silent. Yamaguchi doesn’t talk his ear off, doesn’t ramble like he used to for many years and Tsukishima doesn’t know what to say to break this off. They walk quietly, their steps being the only sounds being heard on the silent street. Yamaguchi keeps clutching and unclutching his hand on his bag, and Tsukishima keeps adjusting his glasses.

When they arrive at Tsukishima’s house, they immediately meet Tsukishima’s mother at the entrance.

“Oh, Tadashi-kun, such a nice surprise,” she says as she grabs her bag and car’s keys. “You haven’t been around much. Being captain has made you that busy, huh?”

Yamaguchi laughs weakly, and it sounds fake to Tsukishima’s ear. His mother smiles softly and glances sharply at her son, something he doesn’t miss. Oh, she _knows_. “Something like that.”

“Well, I need to run some errands, I’ll be back soon, okay? Stay for dinner, sweetie, we have missed you. Have fun and don’t break anything while I’m gone!” she rushes all out and leaves, the two boys hanging at the entrance awkwardly.

They take off their shoes and slide into their slippers, Yamaguchi’s own slippers still being there waiting for him. They head towards Tsukishima’s room, still in silence, and as soon as they’re inside and the door is closed, Yamaguchi is speaking.

“So, what’s this about?”

 _Straight to the point, huh,_ Tsukishima thinks. So different from old Yamaguchi, the one he had met many years ago, crying in front of his bullies. _He’s not lame anymore_ , his mind supplies him, because he really haven’t been for a while now.

“I have some apologizing to do, I guess,” he starts and Yamaguchi scoffs. Tsukishima raises an eyebrow.

“You ignore me for almost a whole month and _now_ you’ve decided you have some apologizing to do? Right.” Yamaguchi spats out, angrily, and Tsukishima is confused. He isn’t used to this Yamaguchi.

“I needed to do some thinking,” he says carefully. “I didn’t want to bring you into something I had to figure out myself.”

“Really? Was it _really_ hard to say this a month ago?!” Yamaguchi almost screams at him, his eyes angry and sad, and Tsukishima suddenly understands the passive aggressiveness from Kageyama, the ugly looks from Hinata.

Yamaguchi had been hurting. Had been _really_ hurting. All because Tsukishima had been a coward.

“Yamaguchi,” he mutters, taking a step toward him, but Yamaguchi only looks angrier. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I really thought we were best friends, Tsukki,” he says, voice lowly and hurt. It’s worse than hearing him scream. “But you suddenly just avoided me and I… I don’t know. Did I even do something wrong?”

Tsukishima doesn’t know what comes over him, but he hugs Yamaguchi. He put his hands behind Yamaguchi’s head and direct his head to his chest. Yamaguchi hugs him back slowly at first, as if he’s testing waters, but then he hugs him back just as fiercely that it makes Tsukishima want to kiss the daylights out of him.

Which brings him back to why he decided to do this.

“Yamaguchi,” he mutters, not letting him go, not anymore, not ever again, if he can. “I was scared. Because I noticed that maybe my feelings for you aren’t as unrequired as I thought.”

Yamaguchi stiffens, but doesn’t let go. “What?” he says lowly, and Tsukishima hides his face on the crook of his friend’s neck.

“You heard me,” he says, voice muffled but still loud and clear to Yamaguchi’s ears. “I like you. Like romantically. And I really, really want to kiss you right now.”

It takes a beat, a moment that Yamaguchi only holds onto him, to then push him away. When their eyes meet, Tsukishima then sees _him_ , the confident Yamaguchi that he has seen grow and became so fond of, the one he watched grow over the past years.

“Then why don’t you?”

Tsukishima dives in and, for once, he doesn’t mind now knowing what he’s doing. Neither does Yamaguchi. And they kiss, with a passion and so much pent up frustration that it leaves them dizzy and breathless.

When they break apart, Tsukishima is blushing, but so is Yamaguchi, and his smile is _blinding_. The sun could never compare, he decides, and kisses him again.

With open mouths, sweet and moving tongues, roaming hands and soft sighs, Tsukishima can’t remember what he had been so afraid of. _I might have to thank Kageyama_ , he thinks, but not for too long.

Because Yamaguchi is _too_ distracting.

.

It’s an hour later, after they have made out for long enough to realize they were getting too carried away, that they decide to sit down and talk. They lay next to each other on Tsukishima’s single bed, noses almost touching, and so they open up. Yamaguchi does it easily, like the words flow out of him in a perfect melody, one he has been perfecting for years.

Tsukishima tries his best, but Yamaguchi can read between the lines.

“I was wondering about the future,” Yamaguchi says lowly, and Tsukishima hums, because it was what he had thought about the most. “I’m staying close by. I have some options, but…”

“If you’re staying, then so am I,” he says quietly and Yamaguchi laughs.

“Tsukki, I could _never_ – “

“You’re not,” he interrupts and intertwine their hands together. “You’re not asking. I am doing this because I want to. You’re the only one who can put up with me. You’re the only one I want to have around me for the rest of my life. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose you. You’re too precious to me.”

Yamaguchi stares at him with wide eyes, and when they water, he laughs again, and Tsukishima manages a small smile. “I didn’t know you were _that_ whipped for me,” he jokes.

Tsukishima kisses the tip of his nose. “I didn’t, either. But you’re worth it.”

Yamaguchi kisses him again. “It’s okay,” he whispers, after they break apart for a second. “I am _that_ whipped for you, too.”

Tsukishima hums, but only to kiss him again.

.

When they stand side by side, again, at that court, during Nationals, Tsukishima stands by his side proud. He has watched Yamaguchi go through many processes, from the shy, unsure and insecure boy to the almost man he has become, confident, sure of himself and reliable. He had been through many struggles, especially with his mind, but it only made him more determinate to improve and prove his worth. And he has, over and over again.

Now, here they stand again, at Nationals. It feels right, Tsukishima decides. Not only because it’s Nationals, not only because Yamaguchi is the captain and they’ve made it because of him and their team. No, it’s because he’s next to Yamaguchi. Ready to face whatever’s next.

 _Bring it on,_ they whisper to each other, and it’s a promise of a lifetime.

**Author's Note:**

> So! I hope yall liked it!  
> I don't know if everything felt a bit disconnected but I tried to make it seem like I had in my head, Yamaguchi firstly overcoming his fears about being captain and then the drama with Tsukishima, so he stands proud and tall at the end at the court with his ~boyfriend~  
> tbh with the way i ended, i thought of going on, so if people like this enough maybe i'll write a part 2? idk. idk.  
> anyways! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3  
> hope you liked it!
> 
> (come yell at me on twt @owlhashira i swear i'm super nice and my dms are open <3)


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